Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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