The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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