dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
