i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
