she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
