If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
