hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
