We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
