TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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