I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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