Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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