My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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