she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
