Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
