You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
