He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
