dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I look better un-naked...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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