Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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