He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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