i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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