I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
