When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think weed is turning my hair brown
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
