i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
