Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
