You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
