meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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