just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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