I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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