The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the day after is always just damage control
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
