Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
