this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
