Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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