So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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