i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she told me i tasted like america
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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