Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
