also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
