For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize