Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
