Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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