I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
