yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
