I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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