"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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