I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
