I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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