so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize