I just pynch a tree in the face
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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