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If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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