i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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