I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Barsexuality is the new black.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
