dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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