How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Operation Purity has been aborted
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just found a bag of teeth...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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