Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
