Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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