rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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