just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
