Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
