I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
