dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Randomize
