At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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