who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
