My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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