I haven't been this sober since birth.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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