You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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