Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize