trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
