You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
