Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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