When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
