i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sext me about skeletons
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize