i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she pinky promised me she was 18
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize