If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
